I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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