WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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