this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize