I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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