well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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