I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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