you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize