he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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