Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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