I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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