My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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