i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize