Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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