I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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