anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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