he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
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ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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