I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
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