im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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