i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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