I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize