Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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