After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize