I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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