Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize