god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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