Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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