didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
tell me about the eggs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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