so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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