I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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