my phone needs a breathalizer
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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