No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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