I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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