Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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