and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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