Im at strip club and am horny
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize