just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize