Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize