i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize