I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize