I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i believe in u and ur pee
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