I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize