She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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