If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize