Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
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Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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