U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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