I didn't shave. On purpose
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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