You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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