My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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