In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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