If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize